


Anger.

by Agentrogers17



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, I Don't Even Know, Mental Breakdown, Original Character Death(s), Sad Ending, Steve Rogers Feels, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Triggers, lemonade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7994932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how much you will love him you can never be Peggy. And he doesn't even see the way you die little by little eveyday. He doesn't even see you are just a human and you will break down. Soon or later...<br/>He doesn't even know this time there will be no way to fix you.</p>
<p>TRIGGER WARNINGS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anger.

**_If this is what you truly want..._ **

  


“Steve…” I called him one more time my voice harsh from all those hours of crying and sobbing. “Steve!” I said louder, my voice rougher. He looked up from his lap and his stubborn gaze met mine.

“What do you want me to say?” He asked. His voice tired almost not caring.

“Answer the fucking question. Just say yes or no.”

“(Y/n)...”

“Answer me Steve! Answer me!”

“(Y/n). Stop it.”

“Are you dating me just to numb your love for Peggy?” I asked. Fresh, hot tears falling down my face right to my neck, sliding dowm my chest. Burning their way over my heart. Burning me and everything I felt.

  


**_I can wear her skin… over mine._ **

  


“Do you want me to be more like her?” I asked. Tears dry hours ago, feeling tired maybe even numb.

“Do you want me to be her?” Steve was watching me from his place on sofa.

“(Y/n)... Doll I am begging you.”

“Don’t beg me. Answer me!”

“I love you (Y/n).”

“Of course you love me. You love everyone. Are you in love with me Steve?” he didn’t answer. “Are you in love with Peggy?” He escaped from my gaze. I got my answer. Yes.

“I have a meeting in 10 minutes. I will be back an hour later. Please doll…” he said. He didn’t know what he was asking, I didn’t know what he was asking. I just nodded and he silently left.

  


**_Her hair over mine_ **

**_Her hands as gloves_ **

**_Her teeth as confetti_ **

**_Her scalp a cap_ **

**_Her sternum my bedazzled can_ **

  


I took out my curling iron and styled my hair as same as Peggy Carter’s. I made the same make up as her. I painted my nails in deep scarlet. I wore the most 40’es outfit I had.

  


**_We can pose for a photograph._ **

**_All three of us._ **

**_Immortalized._ **

**_You &your perfect girl._ **

  


I went back to bathroom and turned on the water. I turned it to hottest setting and as half of the tube was full I sat in. I took out Steve’s razor and slowly cut my wrists. In one flat line, in a perfect line, Steve wanted nothing but perfect, slitting my vein in two and letting the blood in it brake free. I watched the blood rushing down my arm the same red as Peggy’s red lipstick. My head felt funny, my vision was blurry but I couldn’t stop watching as my own blood left my body leaving me weaker than ever. Leaving me to death. But that is what he wanted. That is what great Captain America, golden boy of nation wanted. He wanted Peggy Carter, this was the closest thing I could be to Peggy Carter but I couldn’t keep it long. I sinked my unharmed hand’s finger in my blood and slowly wrote a big I, C followed I, A followed C, and few minutes later I could see my work. ‘ _ I can’t live as Peggy, but I can die giving you your perfect girl’.  _ I smiled at it and closed my eyes letting the blinding darkness take over me.

  


**_I don’t know when love became elusive._ **

**_What I know is no one I know has it._ **

**_My father’s arms around my mother’s neck._ **

**_Fruit too ripe to eat._ **

  


When I opened my eyes, my hands were smaller, me feet were smaller, my legs were shorter, my voice was young, everything around me was so big. I looked around. Everything was somehow both so familier both very stranger. I was on a open field a small cute dress on me, candy pink flats on my feet.

“(Y/n)!” I heard my mothers voice when I turned her direction she was years younger than I saw her last time nefore her death. My father next to her. 

“Mom, dad?” I asked they smiled at me.

“Did you get lost honey? Come with us?”

I was lost. I was lost in my own house. In my own life.

“Mom?” I asked one more time before they faded.

  


**_I think of lovers as trees growing from one another_ **

**_Searching for the same light_ **

  


I closed my eyes and when I opened them Steve was there. His lips on mine our naked bodies pressed to each other. It was one of the few moments when I was truly happy. But then everything changed. Steve was going further and further away. From me. He was leaving me. He was ignoring me.

  


**_Why can’t you see me?_ **

  


I was trying so hard, so hard for him to look at me. For him to hug me again. For him to love me one more time before worshipping Peggy.

  


**_Why can’t you see me?_ **

  


After one of our endless misions I was wounded. My leg broken my heart in million pieces. I was dying in physical pain not even complaining a word but tears didn’t stop from emotional pain. I was in my hospital bed everyone was around me. They all knew why I was crying. They all knew what was wrong. I was lying in god damn hospital bed, after a 2 weeks long mission, nearly dying, my boyfriend was with Peggy, asking her how she was. Saying sorry because he wasn’t there for 2 weeks. And he didn’t even ask me if I was okay. All he did care was how soon he could get to his Peggy.

  


**_Why can’t you?_ **

  


“Are you okay?” Sam asked me. He knew I wasn’t okay. Whole Avengers, whole SHIELD knew I wasn’t okay.

“I feel numb.”

“(Y/n) it can’t go on like this. You are dying inside.”

“I don’t think he cares…”

“He is an idiot.”

“I will be okay Sam. We will be okay.”

“He broke you.”

“I hope he just broke me.”

“(Y/n)...”

“I will just take a walk Sammy.”

“You need to walk away. From him.”

“But I can’t. I love him.”

“He is not worth it.”

“He is worth everything for me.”

  


**_Why can’t you see me?_ **

  


It wasn’t the first time I woke up alone. Steve was gone. First his morning run, than his daily Peggy visit.

I was just a warm body to cuddle. A pussy to fuck. A toy to play with.

He didn’t even noticed the dark circles under my eyes, the pounds I lost, the way my skin paled, the was I became no one. He didn’t even looked at me long enough to notice that.

  


**_Everyone else can..._ **

  


This time when I opened my eyes I was in Avenger’s Tower. Tony next to me. Telling me something I couldn’t hear him. And he didn’t stop talking. I saw Clint, I saw Sam, I saw Thor, Wanda, Vision, Bruce, Nat… They all were around me. We were talking, we were laughing, I was laughing with them but I had no idea what was happening.

Then I noticed him. Steve was sitting a far from us looking at a photo. At Peggy’s photo. Nat touched my knee she smiled at me, I said something Tony winked at me. Everyone was having fun. Everyone was happy. It was my birthday. And we were celebrating. Whole team was celebrating my birthday. Except my boyfriend for 3 years. He was watching his true loves photograph. His perfect girl.

  


***

  


“No. No. No. Come on (Y/n). Doll I am begging you open your eyes. I am sorry. Doll I am so sorry. Natasha! Tony! Come on doll. Come on. I am sorry. I love you. I love you so much.” we heard Steve sob. I didn’t know if I ran somewhere that fast ever. And nothing. Not even years of murdering and fighting, all those battles all those missions could not prepare me to anythings like this.

(Y/n)s lifeless body in Steve’s arms. Steve sobbing like 6 year old repeating how sorry he was, how much he loved (Y/n). She was in a vintage dressed her hair curled in vintage style. Her make up timeless but somehow vintage. It all looked so familiar. It all reminded me of someone… Than I saw a writing. Red looked like blood red…

‘ _ I can’t live as Peggy, but I can die giving you your perfect girl’ _

“You finally killed her… Didn’t you?” I asked looking at Steve’s shaking shoulders. He couldn’t even talk anymore, just wild sobes and howls were leaving his throat. 

“What is happening why the whole floor is wet, what are you guys doing th… Oh my god.” Tony said as he entered the bathroom.

“You fucker!” he said and grabbed (Y/n)s body from Steve’s arms and carried her out. I wanted to follow them but I knew I had to watch over Steve. One tragedy was enough.

“Are you happy?” I asked. “Are you happy that now she is dead there are no strings on you? You are a free man? Was it worth her life that you lost your chance with Peggy. Did stabbing her right through her heart every day last 4 years gave you that dance you promised Peggy back? Are you happy now? Are you happy that she killed herself for you? Because of you?”

  


***

  


“Tony…” I said looking around the labm everything was upside down. Somethings were crashed.

“I couldn’t save her. She lost too much blood, it was too late…” He said his face in his hands.

“I guessed…”

“How could he Natasha? How dare he?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to know.” I said sitting next to him.

“We need to let the others know. We need a funeral.”

“What about Rogers? Will he just stay with what he had done?”

“He will kill himself day by day exactly like he did to (Y/n).”

  


***

  


“What is happening guys? Where are Cap and (y/n)? Why are you look like bad news?” Clint asked.

“I can feel a deep pain. I think it is coming from Steve but… I can’t feel (y/n). Where is she?” Wanda asked looking at us. She was uncomfortable.

“We need to tell you something. You all better sit down.” I said like a machine. It was the only way to keep my emotions at bay. 

“Nat I don’t like that tone…” Clint said.

“Sit the hell down Barton!” Tony shouted. His voice full of anger and pain. Everyone sat and looked at us expectantly.

“Yesterday afternoon, you all were at outside training. Rogers, Tony and I had a meeting and (Y/n) was in her room.” I said and took a deep breath hoping to ease the pain in my chest.

“After the meeting, after Rogers went to his room which he shared with (Y/n). He called for us.” I said.

“Natasha…” Bruce said. Just a whisper. He knew something was wrong. Everyone realised something was very wrong. I looked at Tony he was drinling his Jack Daniels straight from bottle.

“When we got inside their bathroom we found (y/n)s body.” I said. Wanda’s tears were falling down her eyes, Clint had his head in his hands, shaking his head repeatedly, everyone was at shock staring at floor.

“(Y/n) killed herself yesterday. Cut her wrist. Bleed to death.”

“Did she say why? Left a note?” Sam asked.

Tony smirked.

“Yes. With her blood.  ‘ _ I can’t live as Peggy, but I can die giving you your perfect girl’  _ was written on the wall with her blood.” he said. I sat on the closest chair and tried to stop the tears forming in my eyes. If I cried now no one would stop. But also nothing could bring (Y/n) back.

  
**_If this is what you want, I can wear her skin over mine..._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I write both sins and tragedies. And I am so in a tragedy moos lately. Sorry...  
> Please leave kudos and comments. Expecially your comments help me with my next works.  
> Thank you!


End file.
